CHRISTMAS CAN BE HARD
Christmas is an extreme. It heightens what we have and haven't got. Memories that glow, or stab. The emotions of ourselves, or those around us.
Debt comes into focus. Shame. Loneliness. Regret. Anger. Fear... You know, the nasty stuff.
It's also the stuff you can get help with. That can over-run your head, but needn't.
You're not alone in feeling this way.
I nearly wasn't here, when I couldn't stop thinking of suicide in 2017.
Weighed down by debt, guilt, shame, exhaustion, pain, fear, loneliness and confusion, I thought I was worthless.
I wasn't. I'm not.
You aren't. You won't be.
I couldn't stop myself from thinking that way at the time. I was too ashamed to tell anyone. Until I did, and I began my road to recovery. Bit by bit, I climbed out of the well, into sunlight.
I am so much better off now, in all the ways that count. But I had to take that first step. Sharing my sh*t. Realising it wasn't embarrassing. Nobody laughed. Nobody thought less of me.
In fact, many call me brave, which I DO find embarrassing. You do what is necessary.
It is necessary for me to survive, thrive and help others. The terror of nearly dying and never seeing what I've built, powers me and thousands like me. We fear that others may succumb.
Thankfully, I chose the tiny jewel of logic that was barely accessible in my pain-addled mine.
'This might be recoverable, and I might have value. At least I can parent my kids, right? Maybe this pain might subside. Maybe tomorrow is better? Maybe I'll never know.'
Maybe was ernough. My kids kept me alive until I open my mouth, cried like a baby, and began.
Suicidal thoughts & depression are common. We all break bits of ourselves. Maybe an arm. Maybe a mind. Both can get fixed.
That's why we're partnered with CALM, the suicide prevention charity.
Here's some great numbers, or private live chats to help:
Campaign Against Living Miserably, UK
Samaritans, UK & Ireland
Find a UK Therapist With BetterHelp
988 Lifeline, USA
Keep going, open your mouth and talk. Then, one day, you won't believe how far you've come.
If you're worried about someone, ask them, directly, how they are, really. Like really really?? Then forward them this.
Love,
Nick at FRAHM
