I hope you know by now that I've been suicidal?
Why would I want you to know that, of all things?
What I'm trying to achieve with FRAHM Jacket (the swanky jackets are just a stealthy way to get your attention), is to make talking about suicide normal.
Certainly not fun, but ok. To talk plainly about it. Maybe with a bit of humour. Definitely not to tiptoe around it.
I don't want anyone else to suffer like I did. To suffer like so many families & friends of those we lost, do. Still do. Always will.
Above are thousands of balloons representing the missed birthdays of those who died by suicide, created by Campaign Against Living Miserably, our charity partner.
Missed Birthdays: https://www.thecalmzone.net/missed-birthdays
CALM X FRAHM: https://frahmjacket.com/pages/frahm-x-calm
Painfully beautiful. Terrifying.
In 2017 I nearly killed myself, to end what I thought was pain with no escape or recovery. That I was useless, pointless, weak, holding everyone back.
That was all bollocks.
My brain wasn't working properly. I was ill. But I couldn't say the words. I needed help, but couldn't, through embarrassment, ask for it.
I nearly died of embarrassment. Weird.
Then a friend (who is bipolar & knows the darkness) literally doorstepped me, told me I was suicidal (which was true) and made me get help (which I did).
Saying "I can't bear living anymore" (I think those were the words, I was frankly besides myself to remember) to a therapist, then a doctor, started my road to recovery.
Here I am, alive, having created FRAHM, partly to help you, or someone close to you.
We men were brought up to nut it out, shut it out and get on with. Which, when it comes to depression and suicide, not much use.
In fact, its downright suicidal.
If you want to be a tough guy, say the 'unsayable' and join millions of us on the other side, who made it through. It's a slow process, but my god I'm glad I spoke, and began the recovery I believed was beyond me.
On that note, do me and CALM a favour. Talk to your whole family about suicide. I've started to do so with my 11 year old son (I've decided my daughter isn't quite old enough, yet).
We go on long walks or drives. That helps. He's not embarrassed, because he hasn't learnt to be, like I did. I don't couch it, I just ask, listen and ask some more. I explain I have dark moments, and what I do with them. Normal.
Get in there. Ask stuff that feels uncomfortable. Be direct, but kind. Be the man who shows how men should talk.
They talk about their shit. Even the really shit. That's what tough men do.
They talk about the nasties. And stuff like cars/Scorcese movies/all time starting XIs/sheds/knitting/whatever. Mix it up a bit!
You can talk to CALM. Talking saves. Staying silent kills.
I thought keeping a stiff upper lip was what I had to do.
I was (nearly) dead wrong.
Get fixed. Talk.
Nick
